very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
