I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
