I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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