I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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