I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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