I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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