You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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