I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
