there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
