so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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