Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
