This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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You. Win. At. Life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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