In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
they're like a gay fantastic four
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
