I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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