When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
