Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
