found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
