Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh god it's open bar.
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