Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
