I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
