He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
