I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
