don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
