I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
