apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
