Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
