He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
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What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
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I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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