Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
