If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
