Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize