Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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