The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
