I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize