i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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