u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
