Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
