No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
