i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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