Yo dont text me then not text me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
