I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
