Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
