It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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