Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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