Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
