Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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