I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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