nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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