I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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