Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
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I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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