So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
