I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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