i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
