so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
