I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
