my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
