Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
