May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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