no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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