I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
