Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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